Doooooom

Well, I was having the loveliest session with Cal.  He was being pretty confident and trusting and curious.  I felt like we were reaching that point where he was looking for the answer.  I would direct his attention to an obstacle (pedestal, tarp, trailer, ball, jump, etc.) and he would go there with a question and be light and responsive when I gave him an answer.

But then...I was sitting there, waiting for him to lick and chew after a particularly nice try...and, listening to the sounds of the birds outside, I made a chirruping sound.  Cal's head flew up, his eyes got big.  Well, I thought, okay, I'll play with this.  I kept making the noise until he put his head down.  It only somewhat worked.  He started putting his head down, and I'd stop making the noise...but he would put his head down and give a rattling snort.  Uh huh.  I decided to get up and play with him while continuing to make my noise.  Uhm...can you say right-brained?  Honestly, it's like in that instance I had a completely different horse.  Normally once I have Cal in a good frame of mind, we're good for the rest of the session.  Not today.

Things that he had been confident around (the tarp, my coat lying on the ground, the trailer) were suddenly threatening to eat him.  I did the best I could.  I played approach and retreat towards the door.  I tried doing falling leaf using disengaging to help him.  Sideways.  Backwards.

Well, he was getting slightly better.  I had been planning on riding, so I already had him saddled.  Maybe it was stupid, but I thought maybe I could use just consistency and let him find some relaxation with just consistant motion.  I didn't feel like standing and watching him go in circles around me, so I got on.  It was extremely difficult to get him to follow the rail.  He was doing his best to stay away from everything scary (which was pretty much everything except the gate to leave).  But I persisted and after a LOT of laps, we were finally able to follow the rail.  Though I still had to use a lot of corrections.  Not at all like yesterday where I hardly touched my reins at all.

I didn't get impatient or angry with him.  I wanted to help him gain confidence and for us to be partners again.  But I really have no idea what I should have done.  He completely did a 180 on me.  I feel like I did the best I could, but I also feel like surely there's something I could have done better.  Should I have retreated more?  Gone to play outside among the herd?  Should I just have played undemanding time?

I'm so worn out by today's session.  Mentally, physically, spiritually.  Ugh.  It was just really tiring.  All part of the journey, I guess.