Read This When You're Down...

Great day today.  Rode Cal.  Just played follow-the-rail until he was able to relax and was willing to stop.  Afterwards hung out a bit a liberty.  He was confident as he has ever been in the arena, following me all around even to the far end.  That horse has me totally wrapped around his finger...err...hoof?  =)

Emotions are so strange.  Silly, fleeting, ever-changing things they are.  They tell so much, though.  I felt so awful last week because those emotions exploded in anger at my horse.  It's happened before.  I'm lucky to have a horse as forgiving as Cal.  But I was thinking and I realized, it is getting better.  I used to get angry at my horse for days in a row.  Convinced that I hated him and he hated me.  It's only once in a great while I sink that low now.  And when I have shown that hideous side of me, I can go away and think, "This is why I need to change."  I can accept it, and move on.

I have.  I've broken my promise to Cal so many times.  Sometimes I think that this is why I struggle so hard...because I find love and kindness so hard to grasp.  But I will continue to do my best.  I will try to be kind and compassionate.  I will be understanding and patient.  And if...when...I break this promise, I will pick myself back up and try harder.  This is what I need to do.

Never give up.  I won't give up trying to be different.  I won't give up trying to be who I want to be.